A Liberty Reborn Exclusive
With Halloween just a few days away it is important to make sure everyone understands the rules for Trick or Treating. These rules do vary depending on your political ideology as follow.
Rules for liberals:
First, you must Trick or Treat as a group. Liberals must be members of groups at all times and no individual efforts will be tolerated. Six months prior to Halloween you must submit, in writing, your application for your proposed group including photos and complete biographies of the members of your group to the Board of Supervisors in order for it to be reviewed for proper ethnic and cultural representation. If your group is found to be deficient, in that it does not properly represent the ethnic and cultural mix of society as determined by the Board of Supervisors, additional members will be assigned to your group or existing members removed and reassigned to other groups in need of diversity in order to comply.
Second, all costumes must be prescreened and approved by the Board of Supervisors to make sure costumes are not inappropriate. You may not wear any costume that offends or portrays any person, group or thing, real or imaginary, in a potentially negative light. You may not dress as a witch with a pointy nose as this offends Wiccans. You may not, if you are white, dress up like Barack Obama because you are obviously implying that he is white on the inside. You may not dress up like a fairy princess as this is offensive to homosexuals. In fact, just to make it easy, you will not be allowed you to wear any costumes at all. After all, some children will be no doubt able to afford better costumes than others and that is so unfair.
Thirdly, once out on Halloween and the Trick or Treating has commenced, all actions taken by the approved group must be put to a vote where simple majority rules. If the minority disagrees with any decision of the majority they will be forced to comply or be sent to one of the strategically placed temporary holding areas to think about what they have done and how it is wrong to ever think differently than the rest of the group.
Fourthly, when you arrive at a home, all members of the group will arrange themselves in an orderly fashion and elect a representative to ring the door bell. Another representative will be elected to pronounce the typical Halloween greeting of “Trick or Treat” and a third will be elected to survey the offerings the resident has available to chose from. Once a member of the group has held one of the above positions however, he or she will be barred from holding it again until all members of the group have held it as well. All members of the group will then take another vote after being apprised of the choices of “treats” and which treat all members of the group shall accept. All members must receive the same treat as, once again, individual choice is not to be tolerated.
If the resident of a home has no acceptable treats, like that health nut that hands out apples or the like, the members of the group may vote to not accept such a so-called “treat” and then petition to demand that home’s resident produce a treat acceptable to the group. If the resident refuses, the group will immediately contact local authorities who will be instructed to arrest the resident for ignoring the grievance of the group at their door.
These actions will be taken at every house the group decides to stop at for the evening and the evening may not end until all members of the group have held all elected positions (described above) an equal number of times.
At the end of the evening the group will return to a designated point and observe that all members have received an equal amount of each type of treat for the evening and then the treats will be locked in a safe. Form C-A-N-D-Y will be filled and filed with the Board of Supervisors who will review and certify that each member of the group received exactly the same amount and type of treats. Within four to six weeks the Board will notify the members of the group that they are allowed to retrieve their treats less any non-approved types of treats which will be confiscated by the Board for non-compliance.
At this time, any member of the group that somehow received more treats than other members will have their excess treats redistributed to the rest of the group so that all have an equal amount and type of all treats.
Rules for conservatives:
Have fun and get as much candy as you can carry through your own hard work and ingenuity!
==========================
This article is a Liberty Reborn exclusive and may not be reprinted without purchase of a license. To obtain a license please contact Mr. Jackson at jackson@libertyreborn.com
RSS Feed
Loading ...